“You have to earn their affection, Greg”
Sounds like a knock off of Lee Strobel’s best selling book titles “The Case for Christ” or “the Case for a Creator.” Although probably not on the scale of great cosmic importance as those subjects, I will say it at least exposes “the elephant in the room” that America has clearly not fessed up to: cats really do rule (they have nine lives after all) and dogs drool. OK doggies, I’ll throw y’all a bone early on: you do rule, as well, but I’m going to expand on the metaphors of why you “drool”, too. Here goes…
YOU DON’T HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN A CAT’S CALL OF NATURE
I’m going to start with the obvious: you have to pick up after them. Seriously, what other pet do we universally love so much that we need to do that? You take them out to do their business and obligingly pick up their warm excrement off the ground like that’s totally normal? FOR THE LOVE OF OUR HUMAN DIGNITY, why are not more people talking about this? And here it’s those “crazy” cat lovers that have been censored for all these years…The closest thing one of my childhood cats (yes, my family had 5 generations) ever came close to mimicking this nonsense, was the time when I had to pick up after our fat orange tabby named Tom. One day he started pooping right next to his litter box instead of in it. During that time he had also started rolling down the stairs like he was dead. We theorized later that he could have been struck by lightening when he was outside on the porch during a storm one day and that’s what caused the strange laxidasical behavior.
How many times have you heard someone say, “I have to get back to my dog, he hasn’t been let out in 3 hours”? Sounds like too much of a co dependent relationship if you ask me. I’ll stick to having a cat and carelessly take off on a three-day vacation and my cat will take care of herself. Time, money, and sanity are things to take into consideration when having a dog versus a cat.
A CAT’S COMPOSURE IS WHAT WE COULD ALL LEARN FROM
Cats have this enigmatic and stoic nature to them that few dogs will ever attain. This doesn’t mean I hate dogs. I adore them—from afar. I appreciate their devotion to society (police and military, handicapped, etc..). Let’s just say in general that I like dogs like I like Channel Westcoast: super cute and funloving but damn girl stop laughing, you are so annoying! Seriously dogs get excited about nothing and everything when it comes to seeing their owner. A lot of people (which I do aknowledge the majority in America are dog lovers over cat lovers) would say this is an endearing quality. I see things through a different paradigm, however, with darker connotations. I believe this could be slightly feeding into the narcissistic epidemic that is plaguing America more today than in any other time in history. Just ask psychologists—its happening. And, yes, my off-the-cuff theory is part of the culprit to blame are those choosing to invest more in dog relationships over people ones.
The fact that an animal shows so much enthusiasm for their owner at the drop of a hat and the fact that we as humans put up with the barking, shedding, and being the designated poop pickeruppers is a weird bondage relationship if you ask me. But this is all masquerading as true love. One of America’s most beloved movies “Marley & Me” secretly was torture watching for us cat lovers—almost like a horror movie if I can buy myself one hyperbole here, Vanna White? Yes, I think I teared up in that movie but driving your owners, their house and their neighbors bonkers is hardly the case for “unconditional love”. I believe the relationship between dogs and humans is overrated versus earned affection when it comes to cats. I’m not saying dogs are stupid and are going to be lovable to an owner who treats them poorly, what I am saying is we praise the presence of constant extroverted enthusiasm. Not just among dogs but among people, too—does the hot-botton phrase “toxic positivity” raise a bell to anyone? In the self-help world that’s the attitude Rachel Hollis inadvertantly promoted in her company. After so much built-up pressure, that bubble burst.
Sassy was a Himalayan—the most beautiful and adorable cat breed!
CAT’S DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR “FUR CHILD”—JUST YOUR PET IS FINE
We are using dogs as a surrogate to having our own children because we are taught that humanity is over populating. Not true if you look at the nuance of the situation: American couples are having 1.5 babies per household which will not be enough for population replacement in the future (that’s another blog post for another time). Nonetheless, hearing “my fur child” in conversation is a likely scenario as the new child amongst Millennials and GenZ since so many are holding off marriage or can’t be in a relationship because they keep coming across narcissists in their paths *sigh…* so they say “heck with humans, I’ll find someone that will always appreciate me 24/7. I’m getting a caramel hypoallergenic microlabradoodle (or whatever the latest dog breed is trending right now) says the girl. “And I’m getting a pitbull rotweiller” says the boy. I’m totally steryotyping genders right now just to tick off the dog lovers reading this. Take a chill pill and keep reading.
A CAT’S SELF AWARENESS AND CONCIENTIOUSNESS IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
Sometimes I’m running by a dog with their owner and sometimes the dog will leap out in front of me like he’s catching a frisbee (me). I think in that split second, “now me, as a cat lover, can justifyingly unleash the tension I have built up for so long—Do it! Say it, Whitney!” and out comes the reaction “Ahh! Son of a b***—BAD DOG!” oh the irony. Yes, that dog owns you, you don’t own it, son. Even owners themselves joke about this open secret: “Yes, Toby over here takes me for a walk, I don’t take him!hahaha”
YOUR DOG’S ENTHUSIASM FOR YOU IS OVERRATED
Cats have a calming stoicism to them, a peaceful demeanor. The best part I love is when they come up to you, press their paws back n forth and start purring—mimicking their kitten days when they were nursing, pressing out milk against their mother’s stomach. Makes my heart melt everytime.
Cats are more introverted; they need to retreat and don’t need to be with their owner all the time. Their Resting Cat Face is a sobering reminder to not take life so seriously, to let down your guard. What could be better in a world full of constant commotion than coming home after a busy day to sit down with your cat in its pure contentment and the both of you stare at the wall. What some would deem boring and depressing I deem therapeutic. Cats are theraputic for me over dogs. Dogs give me anxiety—like a toddler constantly in your face wanting to play.
Concluding on that note: you don’t need to entertain them and they don’t need to entertain you.
* PAUSE *
Ok, I know I’ve been steryotyping all dogs into one monolith and I do recognize the exceptions. The reserved demeanors of the mastiff and the shar pei are probably the closest one can get to cats. Gosh I do adore the looks of those newfoundlands and malamuts, and the regal look of the Doberman, the cute yet punkish looks of the pitbull. These breeds almost cancel out the drawbacks of dog ownership.
I think I know what people think when they think cat: perhaps the generic short-haired scrawny ones with snake-ike tails? Yea, I’m not a huge fan either. Let me tell you about the beauty breeds thought: British short hair, Himalayans, persians, ragdolls, long hair tabbys. If you ever want to become a convert, the medium to long-haired cats are the cutest and most cuddly.
THE PUBLIC CENSORSHIP AND SCRUTINY OF CATS HAS TO END
When I am at a party or making a new friend somewhere, I get super excited when they hint towards liking cats. They are never overt about it—heaven forbid if everyone stopped talking and just started staring at you like those embarrassing scenes in the movies. We cat lovers bashfully bring up our cat in conversation. Meanwhile, dog lovers will gather a few people around them before they launch into their story of adopting a rescue mutt as if its the most altruistic thing one can do. The cat lover needs to be discreet—kind of like political conservatives in the 21s century. You better be low key on who you pledge your loyalty to.
In making that anology, I have to believe there are a lot more cat lovers out there, we’re just quiet about it. Kind of like our cats, we hide under the bed of our true sentiments and remain a mystery to those around us. When a friend or stranger says “well, I hope you don’t mind dogs, Whitney” that’s more of a statement than a question. “Who does mind dogs?” is what they are really thinking. Because everyone knows the dog is America’s golden boy, favorite child among all the pets out there. And that’s fine, they can have their trophy. The cat people would just think its obnoxious to have such a title. We don’t have to earn America’s affection, we just need to earn our cat’s and that’s good enough.
