“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference” -ELIE WieSEL
I had this scene from Home Alone come to mind because it is so often what we view as the quintessential definition of protecting our physical property. Well, I think it’s interesting that the more effective “ammo” we use to protect our peace — that special property in our minds, not our material assets like in Home Alone — is a special intangible ammo called indifference. Most people would not call indifference an active defense mechanism — after all it’s a noun, not a verb — yet it very much is. I believe that in a world full of feeling a lack/comparison state of mind and FOMO on social media along with a scarcity mindset in dating is that indifference is the most liberating, self preservation state of mind we can be in.
Why? Because you only have so much real estate in your head and when certain things or people are occupying it then you can’t build up real-estate you have with other worthwhile people and things that are more enriching to your soul. It’s like you are kept in this pergatory state of mind. Indifference is the a catalyst to get you over the mountain of despair and gaslighting. Whether that gaslighting is self generated from battles of self worth you face within or those subtle yet so insidious accusations by other people, you are using your free will and personal agency to consent to who and what occupies that space in your head. Once you take ownership of your thoughts and treat them the same as defending your material property, you’ll be more judicious of what you allow in. Like a paradigm shift, getting to that stark yet enigmatic place of indifference will, by default, make you free and confident to move forward.
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT -ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
Sometimes we are called to an active state of defense to protect that peace of mind: could be calling out someone’s bluff when they are messing with your head or seeking closure, maybe playing it cool and “remaining just friends” (never mind the tension and resentment that comes from that because men and women can never be just friends in majority of cases) but I think we should start including the art of indifference as a primary defense when it comes to moving on from someone you love. Going Switzerland. Radio silence. No contact. Laissez-faire. There are other words for this passive form of defense and it’s a beautiful thing because it is the least energy draining out of all the ways of protecting your peace. It is the only ammo that doesn’t have to interact — or, as I like to say, “entertain” — the person, thing or addiction we need to cut ties with.
I remember when I thought about food incessently for years — my whole day would revolve around my appetite and it was crippling to my mental health. For example, when I had a burger I had feelings that that burger was actually becoming part of my body and would never burn off — like it was not a source of energy but rather an invasive thing overtaking my body so, in my case, I had to feel guilty about it and then purge it through exercise or throwing up. So I secretly was always jealous of girls who “forgot to eat” or didn’t make a fuss out of treating themselves to something. Looking back, they had a heathy amount of that pivotal indifference I always wanted — it brought about moderation which is another beautiful state of mind and, like indifference, far underrated in a society of intensity, addiction and romanticizing or “milking” a melancholic state of mind.
Getting to that state of indifference is a necessity, yet it is a luxury in the sense that it often takes deep work and time to get there — some people may take years to arrive. It’s a state of mind that everyone steps into when it comes to getting over a man or woman you had feelings for. It is especially novel to limerants and those who have been on the receiving end of unrequited love. Thus, I’ve been trying to enact more ruthlessness in my daily life: not taking things so personally and showing up for my own peace of mind before helping others (which is often at the expense of my own). People intrinsically prey on empathetic minds for a reason: they are more forgiving. But I’m not going to be so forgiving these days, I’m going to be low-key ruthless. I’m going to be indifferent. Like the statue that is unshaken in the harshest of weather, I will not let society and unrequited love tear down my sacred energy and worth. Like basking in a desert oasis after traveling miles, parched by an unforgiving wasteland of ever-looping thoughts and ruminations, THAT is the luxury that comes upon us when we finally attain the mindset of indifference.