There is a kind of messaging out there that youth goes away and old replaces her, like we’re almost seperate beings. I just turned 37 and so what if gravity has moved my face down a millimeter — I still have the same body, soul and mind. Make it make sense? On a daily basis, I have to remind myself of the illogical nature of this mass societal programming. It’s all I’ve ever known up until until I started thinking more critically about a more valid alternative way of thinking about age.

When we buy tangible things, little do we realize we have to first buy into intangible ideas . Everyday we buy into things mentally so that, subsequently, we can buy into something materially. So, it’s no wonder companies hire social engineers who tap into the human brain to see how they can both subconsciously and consciously program that person into buying their product. One of the biggest psychological feelings that companies capitilize on to get people to buy their products is: *drumroll* lack. We can feel lack in so many areas — aka FOMO — it’s like the yeast that makes the bread rise: companies can’t sell their products and services without you having that pesky little feeling of lack. And where do we feel the most lack? At an arbitrary place called “getting older”.

Enter the youthful economy of being an adult female: it lasts approximately ages 18–33 (my unscientific guess, but life experience had) and after that you are going down hill. But during that time the overlords of beauty standards and relationship norms groom us youthful soliders to feel a lack for when we do start heading over the hill…so that we will buy their products and services for the next +40 years of the average life span. What a brilliant longterm marketing strategy: you have a customer for about 75% of their life. Sound familiar? They push the BMW Life on us — Beauty, Mother, Wife — because that is what will bring us the most fulfillment. And I agree with some of that but this “herd mentality” (a legit form of human survival) ends up pushing homogeneity onto women — and the ones left out our feeling a heavy lack right now.

For instance, if you are not keeping up with the fillers and plastic surgery trends all around then you then you are made to feel FOMO. Which is why many women succumb to this Keeping up with the Joneses of Beauty and on and on the vicious cycle goes.

Same goes with finding your life partner. I’ve learned from reading Shani’s Silver’s brilliant writings that merit is not involved in that department: you can not will another human being. Yes, like the beauty industry, we’re talking about the other multi-billion dollar business of buying products/services on dating apps, books, relationship coaches, etc., to get a man to fall in love with you or control destiny to find him when you want on your time schedule. At 37, true love and connection (reciprocated, not one sided) STILL evades me for some reason. I’ve now learned fate is one fickle bitch, granting her good fortune on who she wants, when she wants.

I have yet to accomplish any of these noble milestones that society implicates I should have already and that makes me feel a sense of lack and disregard. To remind myself that this is just an illusion, I now pause to take inventory of my life the things I have accomplished in it: rich friendships and family ties, preserving my dignity and integrity in this crazy world, knowing my Creator, nurturing a healthy body, working on yachts every summer, hustling as an artist/fashion and children’s book entrepreneur and so so much more. I don’t want to look through the forest and miss the trees — all the beauitful things I’ve “planted” along the way to enrich this world.

But the programming of society has caught up with me and now I, Whitney Anderson have been a “victim” of falling out of youth (start buying our products!) and not having a family yet (distract your single life with our entertainment or buy our services on how to find love!). Do, do, DO. Know, know, KNOW. Our society does not do well with not taking action or accepting that some things in life are just a mystery.

That is especially true if you are a woman (men won’t hear this until their mid 40s): we get fed this idea that our youth is connected to Our Clock. Of course it is, but can we ease up on that being the sole indicator of a woman’s worth? Because I know more youthful, vibrant, naturally gorgeous-looking women in their 60s than at my age (they must have not let societal programming get to them).

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but a lot of this world sells extroversion — not introversion — but, naturally, most of us get more introverted as we get older. The intros become even more intro and the extras now feel the peaceful novelty of intro life — welcome to my club. I think part of that introversion is when you have your own family: you don’t have to go out and be extroverted to get your social on because you already have this special microcosm of that at home (i.e. spouse and offspring). Even if you don’t have kids, everyone knows that one couple who really keep to themselves just hibernating at home together or doing solo activities. So, if you are still single you can’t really relax if you have not “accomplished” those milestones. We have to stay social, not want to (at least in my case and a lot of my friends who I talk to). Thus, a lot of us have adopted this kind of fake extroversion to appease an ideology that made us so frantic (and also distract us from our lack). They sell “Be married by this age!” “Have children by this age!” “Stop having children by this age!” “Travel the word and start a business before you settle down” “Don’t settle in your 20s!” “Settle before 30 or slim pickings!”….Do you ever feel like culture talks out of both sides of its mouth? Enough with his paragraph, I’m exhausted.

I wish society all had “In Time” beauty (see pics, below), found their soulmates, all got married between the ages of 20–30 and had children at the same time, too — now wouldn’t that be nice! More homogeny, less jealously, less lack. It would be almost utopia. But we know utopia doesn’t exist and that’s what makes this world so dynamic: people looking different and doing different things at different times in their lives outside of the normative timetable. I sure have been That Story and I will continue to be without the lack (thank you very much cosmetic and love industries).

There is no reason to feel down about “getting older” — I worked hard for my good name, the unique essence I bestow on this earth. My identity is independent from my 2 digit age, in my changing looks, and even my marital or parental statuses in this life. It’s in my good name, dammit. I’ll always be Whitney L Anderson past, present and future and no one one can put a value on that.