Making Marriage En Vogue Again

Tell me I am not the only 30 year old single girl wondering what the heck happened to the institution of marriage.

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Once upon a time men wanted to marry us...

A primary reason men don’t want to marry is because feminism has deteriorated the need for it. Reverence for men as leaders of headship in the household are being sacrificed for an egalitarian society and we now see, at large, what that is reaping. Women would probably have a better chance of landing a husband by falling out of a boat, getting amnesia and have some construction worker claim us as his wife to bail us out of a mental asylum (thankyou, Overboard). This also gives a whole new meaning to Rihanna's "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place."

Even though research says its  important and held in high regard on many people's lists, we ain't walkin our talk. On the surface, marriage seems underrated because it's meaning has been transformed from "forming a covenant with God" down to a ulitarian definition of just a piece of paper--and an often overwhelming (make sure to include that second cousin in your invite!) and completely unnecessary expensive wedding to empty our parent's wallets. Because we have downgraded it from Class A Standard to just another lifestyle choice, cohabitating and divorce have never been more accepted.  So, I am going to shed some new light on how people got to these polarizing viewpoints on marriage

Once the gold standard of coupledom, a beacon of respect, and ultimately the purveyor of national strength and security--marriage used to be like the sims card you have to have to get your iPhone to work or the anchor to hold down ships in even the toughest of storms. The tides changed with the Renissance and then Enlightment when moral relativism started incubating new discoveries. It was a praise of human accomplishments and a rebirth of thinking, the arts, psychology and at the same time there were scientific discoveries. All positive things, however, the drawback of this transparency, quantifiability of science, and focus on feelings started replacing blind faith, quality of commonsense and conviction, respectively. You can't make marriage en vogue again unless you break down the faulty outlook on it that we have created over the past half a century.

Today, our society accepts everything outside of marriage that it was once supposed to only represent within. These benefits are not just mutually exclusive to the two people involved but to everyone outside surrounding the couple. Marriage or lack thereof  creates a ripple effect--for better or for worse. Why do people have big weddings and state their vows to a crowd of +100? Its to show the they are in it to win it not just to keep kickin' it. We need to start thinking of marriage in terms of the nucleus of a cell and that cell along with millions of other cells makes up the larger organism, our nation.

 

LESSONS FROM the FIRST MARRIAGE

God does nothing by accident--every move and sequence of events has a purpose. For instance, in the very beginning He made Adam but he did not make a woman (Eve) for him right away. There are three key elements in the beginning of Genesis-- so obvious yet at the same time so inconspicuous--that happened beforeEve came in to Adam's life

  1. BEING IN GOD'S PRESENCE: The Garden of Eden was the environment where God showed his utmost precence to Adam. Meaning: God wanted Adam to be in the presence of Him first. Every man should be God fearing before anything else. 

  2. GETTING TO WORK: God mandated Adam to  cultivate the garden. Every man should have a job. 

  3. PROTECTING HIS DOMAIN: Adam was to protect what he was given dominion over. That's why men are built stronger and for leadership roles--not to abuse their power but to protect that which he is responsible for at different seasons in his life. Every man should look out for the environment and people around him and be a good steward to it. 

Only after all three of these things were fulfilled that's when God said "this man should not be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him." Notice "this" man--one that is in the presence of God, has a job and has done civic duties before he gets involved with a woman. Ladies, only get with a whole man like Adam. I could also relay the opposite message God was sending to us: a man who is not walking in the presence of God, doesn't have a job and/or can't protect--"it is good for this man to be alone"  

REPERCUSSIONS 

Eventually, when you believe that you originated from a monkey, which I touch on briefly in my last blog about Evolution, social conscience and morality are just evolved parts of ourselves--subject to change once again--while religion is something we made up to make sense of this life.  Thus, we begin to adopt a "to each their own attitude"--also known as Moral Relativism which has led to cultural battles on Abortion, gender fluidity and redefinition of marriage.

People think marriage is just an institution made for the confines of life devotion and creating a family together--all postive things, yes-- but its also, and most importantly a way to glorify God. That's why he mandated it beforesin came in to the world! There was no one around for Adam and Eve to turn to except eachother and still God was like, hey, you are still going to get married because it's a goodthing. Setting this kind of example of marriage for humanity is the most timeless hallmark of God.

So, people need to stop saying "its just a piece of paper"--is a $100 dollar bill just a piece of paper or does it have value to it? Ask that to your next date if the conversation comes up. I did. 

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LOST BAGGAGE

I believe the adversity that couples face in marriage today is in direct correlation to the weight of baggage the individuals are bringing into it.  We used to save ourselves up until the knot now we expend ourselves, our time, money, emotions and physical actions in perpetual relationship after relationship. Just think of it as Mary leaving her Samsonite bag back at the airport. That's right, Lloyd eventually got it back to her but with a cringworthy surprise of IOU receipts. Baggage always comes back and the more you have along the way the more it builds up your emotional deficit for when you become a spouse in the future. It is difficult to expect matrimony bliss when we are not practicing that in our relationships prior to it.

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THE GRECO-ROMAN MYTH

The problem with marriage is not the institution it's how we view it leading up to it. You see, our society has bought into the Greco Roman myth of romantic love--"the heart wants what is wants" "oh this thing is bigger than the both of us" and that's the reason why most people are subconciously weary of marriage because basing your marriage on that kind of love is bound to fail at some point. There will always be someone else that will grab your affections if love is based primarely on a feeling-- what your carnal heart wants. Therefore, to stroke our reassurance further, we came up with the concept of "The One". The problem with that is there is no objective way for you to know that.

Biblical Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object. This love it is the one that lasts, it is stable, it is something that stays, it is something that will serve as a foundation on which a marriage can be built.”
“The greco-roman myth is not so. You cannot build a solid marriage on the greco-roman myth. It doesn’t work. That is why you get people walking away from each other that say: “We just felt out of love." The Greco-Roman model is too fickle for marriage.

Pastor Voddie Baucham

Biblical love is accompianied by emotion. If it is led by emotion it is a roller coaster, yet if it is void of emotion it does not grow at all. I like how God makes things work in tandem.

My parents marriage was not all Kit-Kats and roses--from one time arguing over the verdict of who's version of "Ketchup" vs "Ketsup" was right to infedelity and constantly complaining about money. There were dark ages that spanned my childhood. With God's grace it has not just made them stronger individuals and have a stronger marriage but there is a resiliency and very profound respect I find in what it means to be married and never abandoning your vows.

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Throughout my life I recall what has made me grow and proud of who I am. It was not on the mountains of my life where I felt strong, cool and in control, it was the valleys of my life where I could have given up so much to take that gondola up the mountain. I decided to keep trudging through even though it hurt me because my relationship with God and the integrity I had to uphold in the darkest moments--or even years--most lonely times in my life was more important than smoking the blunt of instant gratification our society has been passing around when the tribulations are hard. "As long as you're happy is all that matters". Happiness is a choice but not at the expendability of your marriage or the one you are preparing for—which I have been trying to do as a believer for a very long while. Voddie Baucham sums up my point:

"The man you want is the man that will keep you at arms length and will not allow you to jeapordize your feelings by getting involved with him before you make sure that the two of you are equally yoked and the two of you are ready to enter into a Biblical relationship headed towards marriage and not just wasting time kicking it because it feels good to be together. Until you've met that guy keep walking. Until you've met that guy don't waste your time." 

 

 

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NEVER CRY WOLF:  An exposé on the repercussions of the #metoo social climate

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I have not written a blog in several months but with last week’s hearing of Brett Kavanaugh I had to put my thoughts into more than just a long Facebook status. This was carefully written, to be thoughtfully read, digested and never forgotten. I will be limiting my scope to just a discussion of male assaults on females.  The 1 and 4 statistics is frighteningly a reality—yet not everyone should be labeled a “survivor”. The cases range from minor (the teacher slapped my butt in high school!) to very extreme (human trafficking) to anything and everything in between. Based on that spectrum, the same can be said for the list of actions one can take against their perpetrator, which can be anywhere from personal forgiveness to justifiably pressing charges.

The #metoo movement has empowered many women of severe cases to come forward to be vocal about how they have lived in shame and silence—I applaud those women. Even if its decades later—you have every right to come forward. But motive? Facts? I want the equality of men and women to extend to the field of justice. There is a certain amount of subjectivity regarding sexual assault cases—and #metoo heightens this—but we must put on our objective lenses when it comes to the raw facts. I will not applaud weaponizing our newfound empowerment to publicly slander or press charges in over-zealous claims against a man. Ladies, take someone down for justice and preventing serial assaults on future women—not for self interest, slander and revenge on the patriarchy. I know this might be harsh to hear but take responsibility for your own actions. The reason why I am so incensed about the feminist movement over the past several years is that it has made women feel like they are not at fault with anything because feminists have levied victimhood on them combined with empowerment in order to be independent of man and dependent on the system. It’s a vicious cycle started half a century ago. The level of narcissism today is at an all-time high. Like supersize rims on a sedan, this look is not right for us, ladies. Someone bring us down to earth with the facts:

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Feminism today is like that friend that complains all the time about why she can’t lose weight when really she is sleep walking to the refrigerator eating a pint of Breyers every night. Once she awakens to the problem  she will be more aware and set up boundaries to prevent her from doing that and become healthier. 

 I’m not talking about being in the wrong place at the wrong time or wearing something provoctive that gives leeway for a man to take advantage of you--I am talking about the scenarios that take place when you are a willing participant from the start. For instance, the #metoo movement went off the rocker when public accusations of what boiled down to a bad date came out about Aziz Ansari back in early 2018. I also saw an article in Jezebel about journalist Jack Smith IV for coercing women left and right but the women were willing participants (Stephan Molnyeux does a great video analysis of the article if you want to check it out). When I start seeing cases like that I no longer want to stroke the backs of my sisters out there and empathize with them. Rather, I want to recall the whole notion of empowerment that is blasted everywhere we look. Feminists live in a virtual reality that contends with the values and objectivity of the real world. So, whether credible or not, a woman can and WILL shatter an otherwise good man’s reputation because of one hiccup she had with him. And all a society can do is be too afraid to say anything other than “oops”? All I can say is good riddance to dating and marriage in this “cry wolf” society! 

  This big cloud of goto victimhood surrounding women does men and women a disservice: disintegrating male culture at the expense of female empowerment has made males the silent victims in all of this breeding animosity in relationships both in public and private spheres. So, before Aziz Ansari and Kavanugh, when did we give accusory women the benefit of a doubt at the expense of ruining innocent men’s reputations ? Lean in…

 

LE$$ON$ (still to be learned) FROM DUKE:

The perfect storm of  Greed. Race. Class. Gender.

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 Since men have the infamous reputation of just possessing the ability to overpower a woman makes faulty accusations against them even easier. Combine that with greed, race, class and politics and you have the 2006 Duke Lacrosse Case. I attended Duke 2005-2009, so I was barely 19, a freshman and Blue Devil xc/track athlete at the time, running by the lax house when it occurred.

My sentiments shifted a number of times as the case was drawn out. I remember being frustrated with the guys hiring a stripper for their party, casting shade on my great university to later that year being frustrated with their accuser Crystal Magnum always changing her story to finally getting behind the case to the leach stopping at nothing for greed and power: attorney Mike Nifong.

The academy has become obsessed with race, class and gender over the past several decades. So, the fact that this happened at a primarily rich white college in the heart of high-populated black town with Crystal Magnum on the grand stand (looking more like a female pinnochio by the day) and her attorney who was just interested in winning the case so he could become the Durham County District Attorney was all but the perfect storm for injustice. “Nifong was guilty of self-deception born out of self-interest” -Lane Neilson argued at the bar hearing 

But it was not just Nifong’s greed and need for power involved. It was race, gender and social justice as well that hindered the prosecution of this case. If some of you were listening in on the case years ago you may have read about the “Group of 88” which was a signed declaration of the lax team’s guilt from 88 Duke Professors.

Professor KC Johnson of Brooklyn College who in 2007 co-authored a book, Until Proven Innocent: Political Correctness and the Shameful Injustice of the Duke Lacrosse Rape Case, talks in depth about the Group of 88.

The stated aim of the 88 was to combat racial and gender bias in the declaration, outlined in KC Johnson’s book, which no doubt revealed their own bias due to their respective fields of study:

-80% of the professors in the African studies department signed this statement 

-72% of the professors* in the women’s study department signed the statement 

* one of the women’s study professors Cathy Rudy published an essay in the early 90s basically saying she had initially entered higher education because it gave her an opportunity to explore “the idea that women were superior and that anew world could be built on that superiority.” 

-60% of the professors in the cultural anthropology department signed this statement 

-Several English and history professors 

-Only one law professor (who was part time) in the Law studies department signed the statement 

-Most came from the humanities professors

-only three came from the math/science professors)

The shock of the Group of 88, was the irony of the professors being so utterly close minded in the realm of what should have otherwise been the hallmark of having an open-minded approach to things.

Very few professors challenged the Group of 88. Accounts of professors speaking out against the 88 were scolded and silenced. There were even public threats towards these and in the Duke Chronicle, our daily campus newspaper, that sympathized with the lax team’s accuser during the early buildup of the case..

One of the history professors, Susan Thorne had taught me and many of the lax players over the past 10yrs of her professorship so it was a bit of a shock to Dan Flannery, who considered Thorne a mentor, when he found out she was part of the 88. When the case closed, Flannery reached out to her in an email requesting an apology for what she and the professors put his team through in a rush to judgement. When asked by Flannery to apologize in a public news column in the Duke Chronicle she said yes initially but then recanted ultimately telling the cold truth to Flannery in an email exchange “if I did apologize, my voice won’t count for much in my world.” Thorne wanted to do the right thing but she went back on her word like a coward, publicly betraying her students not once but twice. She didn’t want to lose her “standing” in academia.

Feeling ostracized and betrayed by their own school, some of the Duke lax guys transferred.

No fewer than 7 books were written on this case in its aftermath.

The 2006 Duke Lacrosse Case might have fell through for the accusor and her attorney but it laid the bedrock in the revolution against men in this country, sending uncanny parallels to what we saw last week in the case of Kavanaugh.

 

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A SIN AGAINST YOU THAT JUST NEVER GOES AWAY

 

The reason why sexual assaults stay cemented with people so long rather than other acts of wrong against us can be found in this small yet powerful verse in the Bible:

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18

The Bible is referring to the immoral placement of sex outside anything other than marriage between a man and a woman. It is not saying it is a woman’s sin to bear in cases completely against her will, yet our bodies are made misfortunate accomplices in the act because they were used to satisfy the sin of someone else’s sexual perversion or misplaced desire. That’s where the guilt comes in and the yearning to bring justice to the perpetrators. Whether we put ourselves in that vulnerable position or not, it is WRONG for a man to overpower a woman without her consent.  The question to ask is if she consented him to do so and then later felt guilty/ mad/ashamed and defined it as “assault” such as in the case of the two former Ottowa Hockey players charged and later aquitted. I have to admit that the repercussions of condoning premarital sex in the mainstream media has had an unprecedented effect on our society and have made sexual assault cases today hazier than ever. 

The murky claims of sexual assault are many unfortunately because the woman initially put herself in an unwittingly vulnerable position with a man and things did not go as she planned. The false claims of rape cases alone are according to different research studies 2-10%, with a higher percentage when speaking of false sexual assault allegations all together. In either event, high profile cases rivet a nation in fear, rage and a litany of other emotions as we can see in the case against Brett Kavanaugh. That’s why so many people including myself take sexual assault seriously. I would not, however, apply the blanket term “survivor” to every case like the media seems to be doing alot of right now because I think that waters down the meaning of the word. Nonetheless, if it is sexual assault or rape, you’re going to remember one or more key things—concrete facts—when you bring your perpetrator to justice. That was not the case with Christine Blasey Ford.

IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING

 

          Being a conservative in one of the most liberal cities in the United States is like being stuck in a 747—you are all breathing the same circulated air and coming down with the same virus (mentality in this case). Being a conservative in this stifled environment, I feel like I have to take my oxygen mask out prematurely because I can’t breathe the air any longer without succumbing to the virus.

Having said that, I need to get something off my chest: “Believe women” is the crass slogan of 2018. The “Future is Female” is right up there. People need to get a reality check and watch an episode of “Snapped” which feature women committing murders; an affair is usually involved with a combination of greed and playing the poor female victim when the cases were brought to court. By making these gross proclamations years ago and circulating tee shirts that celebs have flaunted sets a sinister agenda against the males in this society. Ladies, without a healthy outlook on males and masculinity you will never have healthy marriages and relationships. You can’t show dominance over a man and still want to come off as feminine. That’s not equality.

         I write this bog today to defend my future husband, and my future son when they face sophomoric allegations that can’t hold their own —not in the public, not even making it to the court of law. These are unfounded, uncorroborated. Yet, they will destroy our lives because some woman decided to “cry wolf.” Now everytime a woman comes forward with false accusations (and she is used as a pawn in a much larger scheme as in Brett Kavanaugh’s case) she is diminishing the future witness testimony of legitimate sexual assault victims. The Bible says that in the last days good will be called evil and evil will be called good. Lady Liberty seems misused and abused. The perfect storm that made in this case so prominent (which has taken many years to brew) is glorifying female victimhood and political self interest. I will not stand for the injustice of a man who’s good name has been raked into soil, for the seed implantation of extreme feminist propaganda to be grown in and watered with the tears of their manipulative outcries.

It’s cliche but true that God only gives you so much that you can handle. I truly believe no one could have handled this more defiently with class and stoicism than Brett Kavanaugh. Books will be written on you, Sir.

 

 

 

>>– WILD WEST REVIVAL —<<

  • JULY 29, 2017

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PHOTOGRAPHY: Curtis Patée | LOCATION: Bozeman, Montana | INSPIRATION: My favorite movies, song lyrics and upbringing

Directing photoshoot editorials are what I miss most about having a fashion line. That is why I like to conjure up ones on my own every once in awhile. It is like creating a fine art picture or writing a story but its using myself as the story. You can really will anything you visualize and then put your mind to. I’m not a model so much as I am a dreamer and strong visualizer.  Most of the things I’ve created for myself and opportunities I’ve gotten have not been from a static mindset–you can’t be on autopilot if you want to accomplish the unknown.  My mind has always been a constant over-flowing fountain of ideas waiting for me to act on one.  

As an adult we have to get into the routine of things and it is advantageous to have said routines and patterns but know the liberties you have to take to live a dynamic life at the same time–those decisions are not made involuntarily. Habits are involuntary, decisions are voluntary and must be done with avid focus. So, I encourage girls to get out of their comfort zones, shift gears and visualize themselves in another world and then gather all of the necessary things to make that world come to life! You don’t have to be a model, you just need to own it and (along with a decent photographer behind the lens ) the realness will shine through in spectacular ways. 

  XO  WHIT  XO

19th Century Reminiscense

Where is my John Wayne- 
Where is my prairie song- 
Where is my happy ending- 
Where have all the cowboys gone?

-Where Have All the Cowboys Gone” by Paula Cole

 

THE INSPIRATION 

 

Movies: Many turn of the century classics, but these ones in particular…

Far and Away: A great 90s movie about Nicole Kidman, along with Tom Cruise, both Irish immigrants racing to Oklahoma to claim land in the 1890s

Anne of Green Gables: A 90s mini series I adored about a young orphan growing up in PEI and Nova Scotia during the Victorian era.

Back to the Future II   I think it’s the saddest and at the same time funniest part when Doc reveals to the 19th  Clara Clayton that he has come from the future and now has to leave her to go there. She blows up at him because she thinks he is just making up an obnoxious excuse to stop seeing her. What I love about Clara Clayton is her wardrobe—the old west garmantry. I wanted to experience another era and you have to have everything in place to do that—the makeup hair, outfit, attitude, lighting, landscape, etc…I never thought I could transport myself back in time to Clara Clayton’s day but with enough visionary work I do in my head the more accurate I can get.

 

 Once Upon a Prairie

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley

You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we walk in fields of gold


So she took her love for to gaze awhile upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love among the fields of barley?
We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we lie in fields of gold


See the west wind move like a lover so upon the fields of barley.
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly and there have been some that I’ve broken
But I swear in the days still left we’ll walk in fields of gold
We’ll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down among the fields of gold
You’ll remember me when the west wind moves upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold

– “Fields of Gold” by Sting

 

THE INSPIRATION

Movies: Gone With the Wind: Scarlett O’Hara when she wore that red gown. This gown was borrowed from a friend–it was passed down to her from her great grandmother in North Dakota. I wanted to bring out its elegancy and sentimentality along the delicate yet rugged background I was in. It was probably a prized luxury posession of hers as I could see it was very well-taken care of  as it looked barely worn.

Music: Beyonce’s scene in “Formation” with the black farm hat, long thin braids and deluge of necklace adornment. Whenever I see that part of the music video it sends chills up my spine.

Fashion Icons:

Katia Nikolajew (IG @bewolffashion) is one of my favorite fashion girls on the cultural runway right now–her style is eclectic, etheral, pinup and bohemian  all wrapped into one!

 

 

The Farmer’s Daughter

She’s a good girl loves her momma

Loves Jesus and America too. 

She’s a good girl, crazy ’bout Elvis 

Loves horses and her boyfriend too

–”Free Fallin”  by Tom Petty-

 

 

 

She’ll let you in her house
If you come knockin’ late at night
She’ll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right

 

If you pay the price
She’ll let you deep inside
But there’s a secret garden she hides

 

She’ll let you in her car
To go drivin’ round
She’ll let you into the parts of herself
That’ll bring you down

She’ll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don’t think twice

You’ve gone a million miles
How far’d you get
To that place where You can’t remember
And you can’t forget

 

She’ll lead you down a path
There’ll be tenderness in the air
She’ll let you come just far enough
So you know she’s really there
She’ll look at you and smile

And her eyes will say
She’s got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

“Secret Garden”

by Bruce Springsteen  

 

 

 

THE INSPIRATION

 

Movie: The Straight Story 1999

 

-I watched this film a long time ago, it stars Richard Farnsworth and Sissy Spacek. The film is based on the true story of Alvin Straight‘s 1994 journey across Iowa and Wisconsin on a lawn mower. Alvin (Richard Farnsworth) is an elderly World War II veteran who lives with his daughter Rose (Sissy Spacek), a kind woman with an intellectual disability. When he hears that his estranged brother Lyle (Harry Dean Stanton) has suffered a stroke, Alvin makes up his mind to go visit him and hopefully make amends before he dies. Because Alvin’s legs and eyes are too impaired for him to receive a driving license, he hitches a trailer to his recently purchased thirty-year-old John Deere 110 Lawn Tractor, having a maximum speed of about 5 miles per hour,[2] and sets off on the 240 mile journey from Laurens, Iowa to Mount Zion, Wisconsin.

I love a good ode to John Deere Greene in any facet of pop culture—especially in Joe Diffie’s self titled song!—but this movie represents the depth of love, family and the ties that bind. It definitely strikes deeper at the heart.  He used his tractor as an example of the humbling power of staying true to where you came from, taking action with what you have regardless of the circumstances.

Some of my other favorite movies that inspired me to do this shoot:

 

Homeward Bound

Old Yeller

Milo and Otis

Split Infinity

Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken

The Horse Whisperer

Second Hand Lions

My Friend Flicka 

 

 

 

I grew up in the West



THE GOLDEN AGE OF FIGURE SKATING

THE GOLDEN AGE OF FIGURE SKATING

  • FEBRUARY 7, 2014

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 Tonya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan, Kristie Yamaguchi, Oksana Baiul, Katerina Witt, Surya Bonaly, Nicole Bobek…those are the names I grew up with when I took up figure skating at the age of five.  Little did I know that my fascination with these stars would be even more intriguing now as an adult looking back on what become known as the Golden Age of Figure Skating (1990-1998). These names along with the men of that era (Scott Hamilton and Viktor Petrenko ring a bell?) made figure skating a household name. Sure Dorothy Hamill was the early trail blazer and Tara Lipinksi and Michelle Kwan  rounded out the star-studded cast of women’s ice skating ringing in the  21st century.  However, there has never been more of  a dynamic  group of individuals  skating than the ones in the early/mid 90s.  They garnered an international media frenzie through their own charismas. I will start off with the one girl that stood out from the pack the most and we all knew who that girl was...watch on showbox iPhone

TONYA HARDING (competitive years 1985-1994)

 

If you don’t already know about Tonya Harding then you probably have not been born yet because the whole world knew about the infamous ice skater back in 1994. Allow me to give you a background check (no pun intended) on this girl. Tonya grew up in the Oregon hood. She lived in a trailer and her mother was married/divorced several times while Tonya was still a child. The rookie we all root for is Tonya in her younger years rising to the top. Skating was her escape–mostly to get away from her brash mother, that kept her out on the rink training for long hours and was often abusive at home towards young Tonya. Nonetheless, if it was not for her mother, Tonya would not be the skating star she became to be. She was the strongest skater on the ice at the time, her trademarks were not in her graceful dancing on ice but in her power to attempt the most daring jumps.  According to Skate America, she made history for three firsts in skating back in 1991:

  1. The first woman to complete a triple axel in the short program

  2. The first woman to successfully execute two triple axels in a single competition

  3. The first ever to complete a triple axel combination with the double toe loop

A very shaky foundation and destructive family life landed her in a pot of hot water after the “bat heard around the world” also known as the Nancy Kerrigan Attack. She fell from grace quickly as her ex husband (the mastermind behind the plan) Jeff Gillooly and his henchman included her in on the conspiracy. Tonya denied she had any knowledge of the plot to seriously injure nancy but it was no coincidence that nancy was her #1 skating competition and if she could emilinate her from the competition she would have no spot on the 1994 World Championship Team. Tonya’s behavior became suspect shortly after the attack when she, having not been told of the severity of Nancy’s assult was interviewed, stated “I feel terrible this happened to Nancy and I hope she can qualify for next year’s World Chamionship.” hmmmm….

The incident with Nancy eventually suspended Tonya Harding from competing in the World of Figure skating. Tonya has since done several interviews with Oprah and several other media outlets over the years and Book ola Cab she is still deeply affected by the whole incident, feeling victimized by the ice skating association, the media press and public as a whole.

She delved into other activities like competing in professional boxing–a complete 180 from the figure skating world! She once said, “One thing I like about boxing is that I will not have to deal with the same kind of politics that I had to in skating. In boxing, it is not about your appearance, or how your costume looks, what color it is, or how much it costs.” Tonya had a short-lived boxing career and is still a strong fixture in the media to this day–especially in the world of ice skating. She is now on her third marriage and had her first child in 2011.

 

 

 

 

NANCY KERRIGAN (competitive years: 1985-1994)

 

The New England brunette was known for her  Vera Wang designer skating outfits that added an ethereal touch to her skating programs–and made her stand out as the “good saint” in women’s figure skating after her horrific assult in 1992 leading up to the World Championships. Some of the attack and its aftermath were caught on camera and broadcast around the world, particularly the now famous footage of attendants helping Kerrigan as she grabs at her knee wailing: “Why, why, why?” Although Kerrigan’s injury forced her to withdraw from the U.S. Championships, her rivals agreed that she merited one of the two spots on the Olympic team.  The USFSA chose to pick for the Olympic team rather than second-place finisher,  little 13-year old Michelle Kwan. Kerrigan recovered quickly from her knee injury and resumed her intensive training.  Seven weeks after the attack, Kerrigan skated what she considered to be the best two performances of her life and won the silver medal in the 1994 Olymics in Norway finishing second to Oksana. 

Kerrigan was a no-nonsense kind of girl and she was not afraid to speak up about it. For instance, at the Olympics Kerrigan and bronze medalist Chen Lu had to wait over 20 minutes for Olympic officials to find a copy of the Ukrainian national anthem. Someone mistakenly told Kerrigan the delay in the presentation was because Baiul had cried off her make-up and was getting it re-done. Kerrigan was ticked off and caught saying, “Oh, come on. She’s going to get up there and cry again. What’s the difference?” CBS chose to air the undiplomatic comment.

 

The fame she had acquired from the attack led to further professional opportunities and it was reported that she had already signed contracts for $9.5 million before the Olympic competition began.  She did not like the media attention surrounding the attack and tried to throw back the notion that she was always going to be treated as a victim. Putting up this tough front every now and then with the media, she came across as cold and unthankful but it was  just the true Nancy letting her colors shine. Many of her endorsments deals were dropped after the Olympics because her attitude was not on par with the media perception of her as this ice skating angel.   Whatever–can’t please the media all the time! She is now happily married and has three children.

OKSANA BAIUL (competitive years: 1989-1994)

 

This Ukrainian diva was taken in by her ice skating coach and trained to be one of the greatest ice skaters in the word. Her story off the ice is as gloomy as the Russian weather which she grew up in: her mother died when she was just a child and her father took off when she was just a baby, Oksana had no where to go but the rink.

 

The most dramatic moment for Oksana came at the 1994 Olympics. She received pain injections in her back just prior to her free skating competitition–the only way she could skate her routine that day because her body was in dire straits. Oksana’s performance was flawless. Right after she was announced the gold medalist she broked down in tears because of the overwhelming  physical and emotional rollercoaster she went through those past 72 hours.

She was going to return to the Ukraine but her country was in shambles– so poor an environment for her to train in that she had to deflect to the states. That meant she would have to give up her chance to ever compete in the Olympics but she could still turn pro. Following the Olympics, Baiul was plagued by physical ailments that affected her skating ability when she turned pro. She required arthroscopicknee surgery in the summer of 1994, after which she was advised by her doctor not to return to the ice for two months. Due to the million-dollar touring contract, Baiul ignored doctor’s recommendations and resumed skating in two weeks and returned to performing in six. This move, along with changes in her maturing body, drastically hindered her jumping ability.

Baiul is in  lot better place these days after she entered an alcohol rehabilitation program for two and half months back in the late 1990’s.  In a 2004 interview, Baiul said of her six-year sobriety: “This is more important than Olympic gold.”

 

SURYA BONALY (competitive years: 1987-1998)

 

Born in Nice, this French spitfire was known for her bold moves in her performance on and off the medal stand.  Being a formerly competitive gymnast, Bonaly was famous for her backflip landed on only one blade. She is known for her very controversial moment on the medal stand when she felt  Yuka Sato robbed her of the Gold medal in the 1994 World Championships in Chiba, Japan. She protested by taking off her medal after it was presented over her neck and not standing on her 3rd place spot on the podium. The concessus that Bonaly was not awarded the right medal was split down the middle–some people praised her, other’s shook their head at the brazen young talent who inadvertantly stole the limelight from the gold medalist that evening. The media hounded her. In tears, all Bonaly could say was “I’m just not lucky”

 

But 1994 was not the only time Bonaly made another controversial move. At the 1998 Olympics in Nagano, Japan, Bonaly finished well out of reach of the gold medal following the short program. Believing she was unjustly scored, Bonaly decided to perform her back flip during the free skate to make a statement! The act, illegal in competition, caused a stir and resulted in a deduction but Bonaly, still in defience, felt she accomplished what she wanted. Bonaly then retired from amateur competition and turned pro with Champions on Ice. Her last recorded public backflip was  at Ice Theatre of New York’s December 2008 gala in NYC.

NICOLE BOBEK (competitive years: 1988-1999)

 

I’ve always loved Nicole’s wild child, free spirit and her uncanny resemblance to Goldie Hawn and Gwenyth Paltrow. Bobek never shook off her teenage spririt  as she  grew up into an adult ice skater. That led to both her ups and downs during her figure skating career. Bobek was noted for her poor training discipline,  for occasionally smoking cigarettes, sporting a lot of jewelry during her performances and for changing coaches at least 11 times during her competitive skating career.

 

 “I think I draw a lot of the media attention because I’m a very open person. It makes me mad when they get stuff wrong, but people will believe what they want to believe anyway. I don’t particularly like my image as the bad girl of figure skating, but I don’t want to deny my flair either, or lose my individuality. (VOGUE Nov. 1995)

 

 

KATERINA WITT (competitive years: 1978-1994)

 

 Showstopper. Charismatic fashionista. On or off the ice–Witt was all that and more!  The German “life of the party,” her highly feminine look yet edgly out-going spirit got her in trouble with the Skating Association due to her controversial outfits she would wear in competition. She left her milestone on Women’s figure skating when she posed nude for Playboy magazine at age 34– the pictures were published in the December 1998 issue which was the second ever sold-out issue of the magazine! The first sold-out issue was the inaugural one including photos of Marilyn Monroe. Witt said she did not care for the “cute, pretty, ice princess image” of figure skaters and wanted to “change people’s perceptions.” She sure changed the face of advertising that is for sure! Katerina has a decorated list of endorsement deals, Mercedes Benz (below) being her most recent!

  

Recognizes these ads? Yep, that’s our girl Kat

KRISTI (competetive years: 1987-1992)

 

Pure American class act–that’s how I can describe Kristie Yamaguchi! She won the the gold in the 1992 Women’s fifure skating and, along with former ice starlets  Michelle Kwan and Tara Lipinksi, has remained a fixture in the media to this day.

 

Yamaguchi performed for Stars on Ice for several years after the Olympics, she is also the author of Always Dream, Pure Gold, and Figure Skating for Dummies. She and her husband founded “Always Dream” which inspires undeserved children to reach for their dreams through innovative reading programs and by advancing the cause of early childhood literacy (www.alwaysdream.com). Since July 8, 2000, she has been married to Bret Hedican, a retired professional hockey player she met at the 1992 Winter Olympics when he played for Team USA. Yamaguchi and Hedican reside in Northern California with their two daughters, Keara Kiyomi (born 2003) and Emma Yoshiko (born 2005).

Make it stand out

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

CHOOSING LIFE: SEARCHING DEEP FOR TRUTH IN A WORLD OF SHALLOW MORAL CODE`

Halloween is right around the corner and what better time to induct the newest character into the Horror Hall of Fame than Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood. She is nowhere near as ghastly-looking as the other characters but behind her unassuming looks and corporate charm lurks the new Freddy Krueger.

 

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I came across this picture of her in Vogue Magazine recently and it literally made me want to gag. It still does–what about the +60million terminated? Oh the irony behind this picture! She doesn’t stand for anything with family when she condones the atrocities of those who have no voice. Knowing abortion is wrong is one thing yet it’s the NORMALIZATION of it–that’s what sends chills up my spine reading articles like this.

Everything is being normalized that’s wrong in the name of “progressiveness“

Why do you think that when a pregnant woman is murdered the accused is prosecuted for double murder? They count for the baby in her. That baby has life otherwise that murderer would not be charged for two counts. The same thing happened with the Laci and Scott Peterson case. The baby boy she named Connor in her was counted as a human being  so that was a double murder case. I am a true-crime reader and there are many other cases like that. Cecile Richards in one of her articles talks about having an abortion early on in her career  because she was not ready to take on that responsibility of having kids–its not like she was a teenager either, she was married. Doesn’t matter the reason: the point I am making is the worth of that child was contingent on the worth she gave it at that time. Everyone is so autonomous these days–my rights, my body, my morals–hold it right there. Our rights stop becoming all about us when another human’s rights begin.  I wonder if her kids ever think about their oldest sibling who had the misfortune of never knowing life with his or her family outside the womb.

The reason why I am so passionate about this subject is because I know alot of people who were going to be aborted. I know a lot of mothers who were in a really vulnerable time in their life or their man wasn’t around–a whole spectrum of circumstances and they were going to abort their baby and they didn’t. They look back and tell me “that kid saved my life–I was so lost.”  In short, they did what they aught instead of what they wanted at the time.  I also know of women who went through it and the repercussions it had on their life. Here is a woman who went public in this excerpt:

The truth is they don’t tell you about the memory you live with for the rest of your life. For awhile I was able to forget. I had to suppress the memory in order to survive MY right to live. But slowly the memory began to resurface. Back to the room…back to the smells…back to the empty eyes of broken women. Back to the face of the man that literally sucked life out of my body.

Abortion is not about choice. It’s about selfishness. It’s about desperation. And I can say that because I have had one. I have walked a mile in those shoes…and it’s a mile that never ends.

 

A human “right” to human massacre?

The irony behind The Future Is Female tee is that the company and people who rep it are doing more harm to their own cause by promoting the abortion of millions of unwanted albeit healthy unborn baby girls that could be apart of this glorious “future” I hear of. Not only that, but as a I mentioned earlier, a portion of proceeds from customers buying the shirts FUND Planned Parenthood. It is a viscious cycle. Feminist advocates use the guise of empowerment and women’s “choice” instead of calling it for what it really is: murder. Empowerment is taking responsibility for your actions, entitlement is for selfish reasons at the expense of something else, as in this case the life of an unborn human being.

Olivia Wilde and celebrities like her have created an echo chamber for abortion and although she tries to make a compelling statement in this PSA video she fails on the basic human level of common sense that even a 5yr old could grasp. So basically your reproductive rights boil down to a death sentence for a little human inside of you with a heartbeat at three weeks for the sake of upholding your “human rights.” That’s one big oxymoron.

What do you care about? Register at http://www.voteyourfuture.us Olivia Wilde wants everyone to have the right to plan when and where they want to have children. That's why she's voting on November 8th. If you care about it, #voteyourfuture. Join one of the biggest conversations about this election.

 

Some might know that Maragaret Sayer popularized abortion in America yet not many know it’s forerunner: Russia. In 1920, under Bolshevik rule, Russia was the first country to legalize abortion up to birth without restrictions. The method by Lenin’s political party was a way to destroy the family unit and to free women into the workforce. The suction machine was even designed under his regime, still used widely in abortion clinics across America. Joseph Stalin outlawed the practice in 1936, however, only remaining illegal in Russia until after his death in 1953. Until recently, Russian women reportedly had seven abortions over their lifetime. In 2010, a United Nations report showed that the abortion rate in Russia was 37.4 abortions per 1,000 women aged 15-44 years, the highest of any country shown in data collected by the UN. Rachele Flores, a pro-life advocate and founder of Redeemed Lives Ministry International has worked with women post abortion helping them better understand the sanctity of life: “When a post-abortive woman goes through the healing and get’s it, it changes everything–they are truly an active voice for life.”

Gianna Jesson, whose mother tried to abort her at 7.5 months, gave this speech to Planned Parenthood as testiment to the voices of those she almost came to represent:

“You have failed, in your arrogance and greed, to see one thing: it is often from the weakest among us that we learn wisdom – something sorely lacking in our nation today. And it is both our folly and our shame that blinds us to the beauty of adversity. If abortion is about women’s rights, then what were mine? You continuously use the argument, ‘If the baby is disabled, we need to terminate the pregnancy,’ as if you can determine the quality of someone’s life”

-Gianna Jessen

September 9, 2015 House Judiciary Committee hearing - Planned Parenthood Exposed

Margaret sayer once said, “I believe that the greatest sin in the world is bringing children into it who have diseases or disabilities or become deliplnqents,”  It’s hard being the spokeswoman for an unborn baby who’s future is undermined before its even born. Crazy logic.  My pastor was going to be aborted. This had nothing to do with his parents not being ready as they were married at the time but it was an unforseen health issue that the doctor made a suggestion to his parents not to “risk it.” Well, his parents knew better and decided to have him, turned out completely healthy and is now pastoring to thousands of people. Healthy or not healthy, we still have no right to take that away–thankfully the parents knew the dignity of human life inside the womb just as much as outside of it.

Today, one in every five pregnancies ends in abortion. If nobody wants to have an abortion, why are women doing it, 2,800 times a day? If women are doing something 2,800 times daily that they don’t want to do, this is not liberation we’ve won. We are playing around in a strange new form of oppression. If people think of this as progress, then why has it polarized us as a nation and permeated our conscience?

The Carthaginians, Spartans, Canaanites and other ancient hedonistic empires were known for their infant sacrifice to pagan gods. The only difference between us and them today is we are sacrificing them before they can see the light of day and in the name of our pagan god called sexual freedom. While archeologists discovered gravesights belonging to the sacrificed children of these ancient people, modern America will soon have the same: several states want to pass legislation mandating facilities to cremate the remains of abortions. As Kristi Hamrick, spokeswoman for Americans United for Life says, “A civil society does not throw the bodies of human beings into a landfill.”

Abortion is no bargain for women, either. It’s destructive and tragic. We shouldn’t listen unthinkingly to the other side of the over-used script, the one that tells us that women want abortions, that abortion liberates them. Celebrity feminists like Gloria Steinam and Cheslea Handler brazenly showed their support for Planned Parenthood by being outspoken about their own abortions they have had–almost a sick right of passage. Lena Dunham also jumps on this bandwagon, while being interviewed about trying to find a way to destigmatize the practice, while admitting she had never had one she said “I wish I had.”

Even babies want to take care of babies: My big sister feeding me (left) and me holding my little sister

This big umbrella of “What defines life?” has brought on a whole spectrum of answers under it–“Oh it’s right at conception” or “it’s right before you’re born” and that is why this has raged on for the past 60 years.  There is a verse in the Bible “I knew you before you were even in the womb” (Jeremiah 1:5). So I think there is definitely a spirit there from the very beginning. It’s not like you are just a multi-living cell or whatever starting out but you are a human cell and humans are different from animals, different from every other living thing. We are born with souls and spirits–a purpose to the life we have yet to live to know and serve the Creator of our universe. We are created with that. If you believe in Creation you know you are dignified. If you believe in Evolution–even though it may have taken millions of years for you to stand upright (and then go hunch down 9-5 on a computer screen all day unfortunately as most of us do) you obviously should recognize human beings are  superior to animals yet there is still something so much more to the relationship you have with God as your Creator and not chance.  I truly believe one’s core beliefs on the origin of the universe subconsciously reflect  their attitudes on human life in the womb. There are a lot things to think about in that respect.

I think about this alot and I don’t know if it’s just being an artist with a high sense of nostalgia but I think about the people that could have been walking this earth if they were not aborted. I faintly see them sometimes like a reverse sixth sense. I think about the people around me that I could have been friends with that could have been changing this world. The ones that maybe their parents were not ready to have them, the mother was not at a good point in her life. Or the mother got raped which is horrendous. Nonetheless, using another form of violence like abortion as the means to aliviate the pain from the preliminary violent act that got her in that situation does not solve that woman’s hurt. [Side note, the accused are not off the hook–of course I think they should be hunted down, castrated and thrown in jail for life.] There are mothers out there who, God bless them, have carried the baby to full term and that baby was adopted, grew up and is now a missionary–I knew a guy like that. They were conceived by rape and they are changing their world because their mothers decided they shouldn’t be held liable for the sins of the biological father. There are some incredible stories out there that show God’s grace and out-stretched hand in situations that seem so futile–He is always there.

Since Roe V Wade in 1973 we have essentially hired our government to be a hit man to take care of our own dirty work. It’s not a right in so much is it a hallucination. I do have empathy for the mother faced with this decision–I often vividly put myself in her situation but I also have more empathy for the unborn baby, the most innocent and helpless of them all. So, people who want to bring up the argument of “what about victims of rape?” need to be reminded that is a tiny percentage and in that light abortion could be made the option to that mother. We are trying to make the exception the rule to serve our own selfish interests as the broader populace seeking abortions.

Its’ a black and white situation  at the end of the day– not as direly grey and obscure as people like to paint the predicament of getting pregnant at an inopportune time. We must acknowledge the large chunk of abortions happening right now are with women who are not ready–in a career-oriented millennial kind of way. It’s not because her boyfriend ran, she is dirt poor, can’t provide or can’t get past the first chapter of “Parenting for Dummies” its that she simply is inconvenienced. She would rather compromise her baby than compromise her career or reputation. To be blunt, abortion beneifits rich girls–a population that should be having children, not the population that doesn’t have all their cards neatly dealt. In equal but different criticism of the way Planned Parenthood deal with different commutities I want to touch on black people. unlike white, studies have started to show that, ironically, this population that chooses to have their kids are on the lower socio-economic scale (still high compared to the rest of the world’s living standards), no marriage in site and a to-be father that just took flight. These mothers see pregnancy as a gift, not a curse. Nonetheless, Planned Parenthood has had a detrimental effect to the majority of fertile black women overall: there are now more black babies aborted than actually born. So there is something weird going on as Planned Parenthood’s attention  gravitates to the women on higher socio-economic scale which is also the population that’s feezing their eggs right now, but that’s a whole other topic.  It certainly is not not bad for the organization when it comes to wealthy donors and outspoken proponents like  Chelsea Handler and the rest of the “my rights my body” feminist gang. In the larger picture, the way we treat our fertility now and the years when we should be having children is so twisted. That’s just an interesting side point that people can explore in their own time.

I’m not marginalizing victims of rape (less than 1% of cases) who seek abortions but rather looking at the larger percentage of  women past high school, have a job or career and are SMART woman but not taking reponsibility for their actions.  Stop dating men who are not husband or father material. Stop dating men that you don’t see yourself married to anytime soon, period…Or you won’t see your period and its gonna be scary. I mean that’s one step you can take because if you both are just “hanging out” that’s the type of thing that can happen even if you’re on birth control. I know of this one elite athlete who was training for the 2016 olympics and less than a year before the Trials she finds out she is pregnant while on the IUD. It’s hard to believe because of her body fat percentage was so low to begin with but she is a prime example of the things that can happen. Sorry to turn into your 6th grade health class teacher preaching to women in their prime right now but we all know what she said “Now abstinance is key…” Some things never change. My advice? Start revearing the Biblical purpose of marriage, reclaim your virtue, burn your Cosmo magazines, and let your recreational dating habits die with it.

 

My drawing of my nephew’s ultrsound

My drawing of my nephew’s ultrsound

Honestly, I believe that what feminism intends is not what feminism produces. I think women are weaker these days because of our sexual liberation, therefore it is easier—and cooler—to consent to pre martial, albeit risky sex. Just remember even if you are on birth control—that’s 99% effective, you could be the 1 out of 100 case. The men are also partly responsible for causing this abortion epidemic: I believe it is their duty to want to protect a lady’s chasity before marriage—I know I sound like someone’s grandma who just got out of an 8am church service but 80yr olds are the straightest talkers in the world, right!? Men have taken sex outside of marriage for granted because we let them. You wonder why some of them have not grown up and this is a huge part of the reason—we never said no. This behavior has been normalized for so long that it is actually a burden for individuals who want to uphold their own dignity and respect the person they are with to take such a stance unless both parties are of similar mindset. This whole thing can be reversed but it is a rocky journey to the redemption of society. You might have found an awesome man in your life but don’t feel pressure to conform to what alot of your friends around you are doing. The wait is sexy. It takes God-fearing people and a good community around you, too, in order to make a relationship flourish.

To summarize, the normalization of abortion is not a clean thing. In that photo it looks too clean and I don’t like the way Vogue skimps over the real story-–the elephant in the room. When we base the quality  of unborn life on moral relativism–what is right in our eyes– society has repercussions. So here we are now: the highest echelon of magazines Vogue 2017 featuring a sobering picture of what is very much a hianous industry.  I believe Vogue should keep up this “equality effort” that everyone is so worried about with women and do a followup article interviewing Lila Rose and her team at LiveAction.org telling the stories of what happens to most of those women after they get an abortion: the psychological, physical impacts and denial. There are plenty.

tony and nancy.jpg

How Feminism created the never-ending dating generation

The EXPENDABLES

 

 

    I am surprised Cosmopolitan has not gone out of business, yet. I used to read it in my early 20s, now I step back and realize what an insult it was to my intelligence. When did you last see the cover title "Dating to marry" or "Sex is better in marriage"? Instead all I see are self-absorbed articles on how women can maintain this no-strings attached attitude on their sex lives. That is massive denial right there. I wonder how society would change if that happened--probably for the better, don't you think? I was talking with my friend one day and she was telling me about her 2yr live-in relationship with her ex.

 

me: "You want to get married some day, right?"

her: Well, of course

me: So, would you still move in with the next guy if you are not married to him, yet?

her: Well, yeah why not?

 

This short and depressing dialogue with my friend is just one example of the vicious cycle we perpetuate on men not growing up. People are that blind to the fact that it is actually women who set the precedent for how men treat us in society. Let's talk about virtue instead of equality for once. Who cares what the men do--we, ladies are the neck of the woods: change how we respect ourselves and we inadvertently teach them how to treat us. Just take a cue from syndicated radio talkshow host Dr Laura Schelesinger who has dealt with thousands of people over the years:

 

"Women are no longer bound by social rules that say, "Nice girls don't." Women, according to the new mantra, are entitled to their own sexual experience and pleasure. Throw the birth-control pill into that mix, and hallelujah, women can enjoy the full range of real and perceived male promiscuity. How wonderful. Now women can have multiple sexual experiences without pretense or hope of caring and intimacy. Does this increase feminine self-esteem? I think not.(3)

 

Therin lies the issue with how the word "empowerment" is defined these days: able to sleep with who you please (because you two are in love, based on that feeling at that time, right?), when you please (because marriage is obsolete and it’s the third date already so what are we waiting for?) and not thinking about the ramifications of that (I don’t know, STDs, pregnancy, resentment, you name it). I don't think that is the definition of empowerment--I think society has gotten it mixed up with selfishness. I use you, you use me, we walk away--hey, what's the damage done? The damage done is a loss of respect for the soul of the other person. 

 

The cold truth about feminism is that over the past 50 years of being implemented it echoes irony all around it. In the words of author and radio host Dennis Prager:

 

"Feminism has created what is undoubtedly the weakest generation of women in American history. My grandmother, who never heard the word “feminist” and who never graduated from high school, was incomparably stronger than almost any college-educated feminist I have ever personally encountered, or the many I have read and listened to."(22)

 

SEX IN THE CITY

"Chivalry is dead and women killed it"

- Dave Chappelle

 

 

Throughout my 20's my girlfriends would often quip "oh, you can sleep with him if you don't care about him but if it serious, hold off on sleeping with a guy" Basically the worst and most illogical advice in the world. So disrespect your values, your body and the man you could care less about unless its for your own selfish desires and then turn the tables when you eventually do find someone worth respect and show him you respect yourself by holding off? Integrity has left the building.

 

As with concepts like the “teenager” and “middle-class,” dating is a historically recent invention, spurred by an influx of women into the big cities looking for work around the turn of the 20th Century. The word “date” was not even coined until 1896! 

By the mid-1910s, women on dates came to be known as “Charity Girls” since they took no money for their “favors,” and thus were perceived to be giving it away as charity. This did not fly with a particular group and according to reports in the 1920s “the prostitutes at New York’s Strand Hotel complained that Charity Girls were putting them out of business.” (17) Over the many decades men out there have taken this as a cue of putting off marriage, leading to a residual effect of holding onto their adolescence until they are about 40. Not surprisingly the word "adolescence" is a recent vocab word, too, new in the mid 20th century to justify and perpetuate the man-boy behavior we ladies see all around us.

 

Fast forward 100yrs and we see tv shows that are a tribute to charity women back then. WhereSex In the City(1998-2004) left off, The Bad Girl's Club(2006-) and Girls(2012-) picks up. These shows have been a pillar to teens and young adults who are just beginning to form their outlook on sex. The never-ending shameless tale of women trying to play like men instead of challenging men through our virtue needs to be introduced back into society. People like to talk about the feminist forerunners who were women but they often don't take in to account the willing accomplices--yes, men. Hate to break it to all of the Samantha Jones of the world, but, in the words of Gavin Mcginnes "Men invented feminism to get more blowjobs and women fell for it.

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    The rise of career women today does not help women's odds of settling down as our society has shaped girls’ mindsets from early on that we need more material stuff than ever before. It's no wonder women want to have their own careers these days--out of necessity or act of the will. There are many women that would like to get married younger than they let on. The average woman who claims she wants to get settled into her career before marriage and family is a subconscious byproduct of feminist future celebrating the independent emancipated women. We see this in movies, tv shows, magazines, pretty much everywhere these days. However, our biological clock unfortunately does not have a Daylight Savings on it: we want to "sleep in" on our reproductive years as we focus more on our productive years in the workforce. And you wonder why there are a significant number of American men importing their brides from the Eastern Block countries--it is because they are finding less and less the traditional housewife role here in America.

 

REPERCUSSIONS

 

I should have lived back in the 1950s when there there was more stigma for being loose before marriage and less stigma for wanting to wait. Today, things are flipflopped in an effort to become more "equal" with the guys in terms of their own sexual freedom. Premarital sex is no longer a novel exciting experience they portray in media. It just reflects what we have become as a society: dull, in denial, and depraved of real committed love. 

 

We all happen to know that one couple that cohabitated for years, got married and had children--and we think if they can do it so can we! The issue is exceptions like that (and horrible examples might I add) are like the sheep in wolf's clothing analogy. The act of giving yourself up to another man longterm without any commitment in marriage might seem innocent and harmless but a dark cloud looms over all of us. The truth is we humans were not made for shallow intimate relationships with the opposite sex. The mainstream media has fabricated perpetual dating as a lifestyle--when it should be more of a qualifying process for marriage. That sounded kind of glum and unromantic but we seriously all need a head check if we want to change things around here. 

 

The feminist movement has produced an idiocrasy the world has never seen before: too emotionally constipated to hold people liable anymore for personal responsibility and too gluttonous in the fact that nothing can satiate the character complex it has grown into over the years. The degradation and dismissal of the core nuclear family unit is its main target and it will never veer from that. Even if you don't call yourself a feminist there is no way you have not fallen in its traps.

 

I was recently conversing with a young single mother who had her child in high school several years ago and was now in the midst of cohabitating with a man. I did not know a whole lot about her situation but I will never forget what she said point blank, holding back tears: "Sex should be illegal. It causes so much confusion when you are not married." I think a lot of the girls out there including myself can resonate with that fact. I was a late bloomer but I thought by that time the guys around me would have been more serious about marriage--wrong. I didn't start dating until after college and, boy, was I in for a rude awakening: sex is commonplace and to let on that I have any respect for myself and simultaneously for the man I am with (who could end up being another woman's husband down the road) was foreign to many of the men I dated. 

 

We've made it a necessity because it is constantly pushed in our faces to awaken those desires before we are ready for a life-long commitment. Just like the new technological advancements we treat sex outside marriage the same way--"It's common place, get with the times!". People are not fessing up enough to realize this normalization of behavior is impacting our moral foundation.

 

Men and women need to start thinking of themselves as two big units like in the army. If one man messes up (i.e. scorns a woman) in the dating realm the rest of the male unit suffers down the line--they all reap the repercussions by inadvertanly taking the blame for that one bad guy in their unit who showed up in the woman's ' life before they did and they are punished by her preconceived notions. One could flip this coin around to show the same thing can happen to a woman when she disrespects a guy in a relationship and causes irreparable damage to his psyche. For a long time that may hinder his dating life and have a negative effect on an otherwise wonderful new woman in his life—now shesuffers the repercussions. Whatever case you are in, we must think more responsibly about where each one is coming from and not make ourselves too vulnerable from the beginning--or, that's right, we'll be on the ground doing those push-ups .

 

I joke with my friends now that I either want to be best friends with a guy or be married to him--I don't want to go through this intermediate stage of BS we call dating. Obviously that is not true because that part is so much fun--yet, what a crisis at the same time!lol We think we have all of the technology in the world to process the future but we can not process what real love looks like without commitment in marriage.

 

Dating in the 21st Century is a [insert french adjective] crapshoot. Its like going on a road trip taking all of the unpaved detours with no Google Map (yep, time to brush off those Rand Mcnallys). This is why I always encourage my married friends to stay married and remind them they are not missing out on anything.