THE LUXURY OF NOT GIVING A DAMN

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference” -ELIE WieSEL

I had this scene from Home Alone come to mind because it is so often what we view as the quintessential definition of protecting our physical property. Well, I think it’s interesting that the more effective “ammo” we use to protect our peace — that special property in our minds, not our material assets like in Home Alone — is a special intangible ammo called indifference. Most people would not call indifference an active defense mechanism — after all it’s a noun, not a verb — yet it very much is. I believe that in a world full of feeling a lack/comparison state of mind and FOMO on social media along with a scarcity mindset in dating is that indifference is the most liberating, self preservation state of mind we can be in.

Why? Because you only have so much real estate in your head and when certain things or people are occupying it then you can’t build up real-estate you have with other worthwhile people and things that are more enriching to your soul. It’s like you are kept in this pergatory state of mind. Indifference is the a catalyst to get you over the mountain of despair and gaslighting. Whether that gaslighting is self generated from battles of self worth you face within or those subtle yet so insidious accusations by other people, you are using your free will and personal agency to consent to who and what occupies that space in your head. Once you take ownership of your thoughts and treat them the same as defending your material property, you’ll be more judicious of what you allow in. Like a paradigm shift, getting to that stark yet enigmatic place of indifference will, by default, make you free and confident to move forward.

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT -ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

Sometimes we are called to an active state of defense to protect that peace of mind: could be calling out someone’s bluff when they are messing with your head or seeking closure, maybe playing it cool and “remaining just friends” (never mind the tension and resentment that comes from that because men and women can never be just friends in majority of cases) but I think we should start including the art of indifference as a primary defense when it comes to moving on from someone you love. Going Switzerland. Radio silence. No contact. Laissez-faire. There are other words for this passive form of defense and it’s a beautiful thing because it is the least energy draining out of all the ways of protecting your peace. It is the only ammo that doesn’t have to interact — or, as I like to say, “entertain” — the person, thing or addiction we need to cut ties with.

I remember when I thought about food incessently for years — my whole day would revolve around my appetite and it was crippling to my mental health. For example, when I had a burger I had feelings that that burger was actually becoming part of my body and would never burn off — like it was not a source of energy but rather an invasive thing overtaking my body so, in my case, I had to feel guilty about it and then purge it through exercise or throwing up. So I secretly was always jealous of girls who “forgot to eat” or didn’t make a fuss out of treating themselves to something. Looking back, they had a heathy amount of that pivotal indifference I always wanted — it brought about moderation which is another beautiful state of mind and, like indifference, far underrated in a society of intensity, addiction and romanticizing or “milking” a melancholic state of mind.

Getting to that state of indifference is a necessity, yet it is a luxury in the sense that it often takes deep work and time to get there — some people may take years to arrive. It’s a state of mind that everyone steps into when it comes to getting over a man or woman you had feelings for. It is especially novel to limerants and those who have been on the receiving end of unrequited love. Thus, I’ve been trying to enact more ruthlessness in my daily life: not taking things so personally and showing up for my own peace of mind before helping others (which is often at the expense of my own). People intrinsically prey on empathetic minds for a reason: they are more forgiving. But I’m not going to be so forgiving these days, I’m going to be low-key ruthless. I’m going to be indifferent. Like the statue that is unshaken in the harshest of weather, I will not let society and unrequited love tear down my sacred energy and worth. Like basking in a desert oasis after traveling miles, parched by an unforgiving wasteland of ever-looping thoughts and ruminations, THAT is the luxury that comes upon us when we finally attain the mindset of indifference.

That time I created the Seattle Skyline...

I created this massive collage, my first architectural portrait, for a Seattle client back in 2019 when I was living there. They are the family who owns the Space Needle so this was a very special project….Special thanks to Crows Nest Yachts on Lake Union for gifting me all of their recycled boating magazines!

MORGAN FREEMAN: 50 Hours in the Making

Cinema’s finest sage….I’ve always felt that, as a portrait artist, creating Morgan was a rite of passage. In the year 2022 I did just that.

The other oxygen I breathe

“Talent is what a man possesses. Genius is what possesses a man”

-Isaac Stern.

I came across that quote while listening to a documentary on Einstein. I actually listened to 3 docs during the making of this collage which took me around 50 hours. I wanted to feel the depth of who he was and bring that through the art. I’m entranced by high achievers. Perhaps that’s what drives me to keep creating—I don’t know what will happen and that’s what produces an angst in me, like that spur in the horse’s side. I just have to run with this—like the “I didn’t choose art, art chose me” kinda deal.

By the age of 33, I surpassed the 10,000 hour masters mark. That averages out to an hour every day since the age of three years old when I first started drawing. Ask my parents, my friends, my former roomies. They saw me creating  my art ALL THE TIME. Even though I got voted the “Most Likely to be a famous artist” in my 8th grade yearbook, I didn’t take it seriously—actually I was kind of embarrassed because I never thought I would be taken seriously as a traditional-minded girl in a modern world that demanded on center stage the parts of myself that I shut down for so long. I guess I had to catch up to my purpose and what I was capable of.

I’m 99.99% self taught, save for a couple  random drawing and watercolor classes I took as a teenager. I actually never liked classroom art groups, always been a Lone Ranger. It’s always been “me against the music,'“ challenging myself to new heights. For several years now people ask what my hobbies are outside of work (art) and, as most entrepreneurs can attest, I say my hobby is also my work. Both words are synonymous to me. As an artist, it’s just hard to clock in and clock out of this life when it enriches you more than the average occupation. However, I don’t even talk about art when I get together with my friends because that’s my chance to escape from it for a bit because I’m so emerged in it all the time. In fact, I could talk to a stranger for an hour and they would never know I’m an artist.

My prolificness and versatility comes simply from growing up in a very dynamic childhood filled with experiences while still yearning for more meaning and excitement in life due to my whimsical imagination. Veering from this medium to that, from this subject matter to that subject matter—I can’t put me in a box and neither should others. As an auto diadact, my tunnel vision to hone in on my art skills all these years with little outside influence and rearing is the only “box” in which I’ve put myself.

Granted, it’s been a long journey and I’ve had to remain strong under so much solitude, I mean, nobody else in my family or relatives is even a fine artist! The only one I know of is my maternal great grandmother who has a handful of watercolors she did—she didn’t have the luxury to fully pursue her talents growing up during the Great Depression, raising a family and then passing away in her 50s. So I’d like to think I’m picking up where she left off, making her proud up there. So, while I’m definitely possessed, it will be up to critics to give me credence as part of the G club. And if God continues to bless me through this next decade, I know it’s not if but when I’ll find that written in a publication or even in someone’s blog. I want #whitneylanderson to possess the artworld.

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The Other Whitney's

One of my favorite singers Whitney Houston—aptly nicknamed “The Voice”—overshadowed a lot of close seconds during her era. Here are a few that I have come to appreciate after discovering their songs in adulthood (thanks Youtube):

LISA FISCHER “How Can I Ease the Pain?”


Homegirl was a backup singer for like 22 years--and this song was the only blip in her solo singing career. Her high octane voice commanding a room and an audience—reminds me of the powerhouse vocals in Adele’s “Hello” and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.” She could have rode the grammy wave for this song but she went back in her shell. She felt more comfortable as a backup vocalist—most notable for working with the band The Rolling Stones since 1989 and Luther Vandross for 22 years! The documentary 20 Feet from Stardom talks about all the backup singers, and Lisa Fischer seems to own that space. The documentary referenced the song “Take a walk on the Wild side” by Lou Reed when he sings the lyrics "And the Colored Girls go do da doo doot da doot do..!" in which he was talking about this very thing—back up singers like Lisa giving the seasoning that rock and roll needed!


CHANTAY SAVAGE “Betcha Never Find”

Reminds me of that “Forget Me Nots” song—such a fantastic voice!



Me’LISA my favorite ballad:”Do Me Baby”

What Whitntey Houston did with Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” is the what Meli’sa did with Prince’s “Do Me baby.” She revamped it like an OG. I can’t believe I only discovered this song last year. I remember where I was, too: in the parking lot of an auto mechanics shop waiting on my car to be repaired. It was an otherwise mundane moment that Meli’sa’s song totally immortalized.



SHANICE “Silent Prayer” and “If I Never Knew You” (w/Jon Secada)

Yes, you may know Shanice for her catchy “I Love Your Smile” but her duet with Jon Secada was enchanting!


ATHENA CAGE “Get Up on It” (w/Keith Sweet)

I’ve been loving Kut Klose ever since I discovered them last year! They were like the sister group to TLC and although KK never really climbed to TLC-level of fame, they similarly got shortchanged by their record labels. Keith Sweat, who formed the group, kept Athena in her last name that’s for sure. Thus, she never quite rose to the fame she could have because of the way Keith conducted his girl group of which Athena was the main vocalist. When I listened to this song I was like, whoa who’s voice is that? I can’t believe I had never heard of Athena before, a flower talent that could have bloomed beyond the few songs with Keith for which she is most known.


BRENDA RUSSELL “Piano in the Dark”

I’m not sure which other songs Brenda is known for but I love this song, it’s a beautiful blend of extroverted melody with melancholic undertones.

LOLEATTA HOLLOWAY Vocals for Marky Marks’ “Good Vibrations”


Loleatta MADE that song—Marky Mark’s one hit wonder (and my favorite workout song).



TAMIA “You Put a Move on My Heart”

Yes, my other favorite is “So Into You” but “You Put a Move on My Heart” next level. Tamia shows us her full range of vocals, it kind of reminds me of Whitney’s “You Give Good Love.”



"Miss Metamorphosis": 5 years in the making of a very special story

“You see, most wings are grown in a cacoon—but the most beautiful are grown outside in the wild. Not many know that can happen because they have never been given the challenge to try it. You are a true Miss Metamorphosis!”

-from my latest book Miss Metamorphosis, coming this Spring 2023!

Whenever I watch movies I always relish in the atmosphere—the set design, origin, style, tone, musical score—all of these elements enrich a story. I have brought that same appreciation I find in movies into the creation of each one of my children’s books: creating the perfect atmosphere through my art illustrations to carry out a storyline. Here is a behind-the-scenes look into all things that created the atmosphere of my latest and greatest book Miss Metamorphosis…..

A FAR OFF PLACE: WHERE IT WAS BORN

This photograph (above) was taken around the same time that I came up with the idea of creating a human butterfly—for what, I did not know at the time. I was miles from my comfort zone in America, strutting on the bridge deck of a ferry cruising from Helsinki to Stockholm with my family on that brisk October eve back in 2017. My first children’s book Roku and Tanza had not even come into inception until months later in the summer of 2018, so the fact that I started creating Miss Metamorphosis years after her inception now intrigues me on a deep level. I have come to a realization that it was all by design, having more to do with my own trials and triumphs which inspired me to create the storyline around this character who represents the “the heroes journey.” Furthermore, during that trip I found part of myself through discovering my motherland, miles away from my birth place in America—Scandinavia is, after all, where my great great grandfather sailed from in 1890’s to carve out a better life in America. He couldn't grow his “wings” in Åland so he had to seek elsewhere. He had to improvise, much like my main character Elin in Miss Metamorphosis. Such reflects my life, too, which is what inspired the premise of this storyline: I have not lived a conventional woman’s life (get married and have kids by a certain age, etc..) and so I’ve had to carve out another way to bring meaning and purpose into why life—create my own kind of wings that make me fly for that matter.

MIND ABYSS: HOW IT WAS BORN

The initial concept of a human butterfly came out of thin air, although the story surrounding it would come in increments over the years. Sometimes my imagination is like that—there doesn’t seem to be any direct inspiration for said idea. Maybe it’s just the absence of distractions and there was a lot of meaning behind it because when I don’t have any distractions I think of whimsical things. It’s not everyday that one idea blooms like a beautiful butterfly releasing from its cocoon and I need to catch it before it vaporizes and gets recycled back into my factory of thoughts. My mind is always moving from one thing to the next, that’s why I always write my character ideas down and stow them for later, gradually adding on the beginning, the plot, the end and the whole atmosphere around them. Five years later, standing tall like a mighty oak tree after years of growth in the making—+100 hours of illustration and written story—it’s hard to believe that this all started from the little acorn of my imagination.

METAPHORICAL WORLD

Much like meta from the word “metamorphosis,” it means “beyond” and that’s what a lot of elements in this story are: figures of speech going beyond their regular definition. Though up to the interpretation of the reader, most people will draw these conclusions of what each one represents in this book:

Elin (main character): means “ray of light.” She speaks to the reader on a heart level. Every one has their own little heroes journey, some bigger than others, but it’s there. Everyone has felt ostracized, especially with the “life is not fair’ notion.

Amera: Means ”leader.” She represents the trial by fire, the beacon of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel. She is not the answer to Elin’s search but she is the catalyst for Elin to grow her wings! We all need a catalyst, the person on the sidelines that either subconsciously or consciously is helping us move toward our purpose.

Allies (dolphins, bird) represent our friends and family that lift us up along the journey.

Scary things (shark, snakes, scary forest): these things resemble the trials and tribulations we will all face on the journey of searching. Sometimes we will have a well-thought out plan, other times we are not sure where our destination is but we know we have to get moving. Such is life and when faith comes in—sometimes you need to fully surrender over to God what you may not see in the distance.

Hutterland : the safe place where we were raised and feel comfort, it represents conventionality and security. We live in such a cookie cutter culture of comparison: things are supposed to happen like this and in this way and at this time. Elin is forced to throw conventional norms to the wind as she finds a new way to grow her wings.

Anotherland: the place of adventure, mystery and discomfort. These can be played out physically in our lives or on a mental level—facing CHANGE and getting out of our comfort zone is always going to be challenging. Elin’s journey to Anotherland is bringing about the change within her and that determination to get there makes her wings grow outside of that comfortable cocoon that all the other hutterflies depended on.

Miss Metamorphosis Pageant: the destination that is so short lived, (as we see in the final page). The journey where she came to be Miss Metamorphosis is the more interesting part. It represents so much of our lives, the struggle to get to that “place"—whatever place that is important to you.

Cocoons: the passive element of growing something in your life, not working hard for “it”—whatever that “it” represents in your life. For some. like Elin, we have to improvise and take a detour to get that.

Wings: The wings are the “it” represented in this storyline. They are a powerful symbol of attaining something in unconventional fashion that other’s seem to attain more easily. For some people, life is more at ease; for others life is not fair, it favors others in some ways it does not favor you—and there is nothing that you did to deserve those circumstances. Such is the mystery of life and the old adage “necessity is the mother of invention” which is so pronounced in Elin’s case of finding her wings outside of depending on something else (the cocoon) to grow them.


INSPIRATIONS

Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly” song. This has always been one of my favorite MC ballads and it struck me even more during the making of this book.

Fern Gully: the Last Rainforest is one of my favorite animated movies and I really leaned on the curiosity and adventure-seeking pesonality of Crista!

Passengers. I was inspired by the sci fie movie stasis scene where they are all in sleep pods on their way to their destination. Passengers reminded me of when Aurora is abruptly awakened out of her pod (like Elin with her cocoon).